To those interested,

I was just re-watching a couple episodes of season 2 of Sex and the City and there is an episode where Miranda dates Gob. Ironically it is the episode about fetishes and he is obsessed with having sex in public places. The whole time I was waiting for him to perform some sort of illusion.

Just thought you might want to know,
K

It's official, I am an E! True Hollywood Story junkie.

Yesterday I signed somewhere around 5 hours of my life away to the series. I now know a ridiculous amount of information about the cast from Full House, the 50 cutest kid stars, the cast of Home Improvement and Hillary Duff.

How on earth have I not been addicted to this before now is beyond me. I am an Us Weekly junkie, love most VH1 shows and am now an E! THS addict...that's right I know the abbreviation and I'm using it.

It's amazing how much information these people can pack into such a small amount of time. It never ceases to amaze me. Without THS I would have never known about;

-Tim Allen doing time for dealing drugs
-That the youngest kid's name from Rosanne was Michael Fischman...the same name as one of my high school friends.
-H Duff's break into show business coming from a movie being filmed on her parents ranch in Texas in which she was an extra

Needless to say the show is amazing and I plan on continuing to watch for quite some time. So Jenny, you can count on my spouting ridiculous facts about New Kids on the Block or the cast from Charles in Charge for the next month.

E!

Yesterday when I came home for lunch Katy was watching E! True Hollywood Story....a show I KNOW we all get hooked into from time to time. I sat down before I realized which story they were telling when all of a sudden the screen went to black and in bold white type it said "New Kids on the Block." I have to say at that moment I knew my day wouldn't get any better.

Sadly, I was never truly immersed in New Kids and didn't get to enjoy the Bop magazines devoted to their likes and dislikes. I never had one of those ginormous buttons attached to my acid washed jean jacket that had a glossy photo of Jordan Knight or Donnie Wahlberg. I truly missed out on this moment in time when 13 year old girls were contemplating giving up their virginity to any member of the band. I was looking up what they are up to now and found myself very depressed for several of the members.

Jonathan Knight for example went on to have a career in real estate. Real estate?! Do you think that his customers ever ask him to hum a few bars of Step by Step? Does he ever break out in synchronized dance numbers to secure a sale? I sure hope so.

Joey McIntyre and Jordan Knight were described by wikipedia as having "moderately successful" albums later in their careers...not too impressive. Maybe these two should join forces and start a show like P-Diddy or start an 80's throwback line of clothing...just an idea boys.

And Donnie Wahlberg is "the most successful since the group" due to his acting roles in Sixth Sense, Band of Brothers, and a role on the short-lived police drama series Boomtown. Congrats Donnie boy, lucky you're a member of the Wahlberg family good jeans, and Marky Mark...can't beat that.

If E! True Hollywood story has taught me anything (and it has), it's that starting your career at the age of 15 will only cause you to peak at 19 and spend the rest of your life on the way downhill. Thanks mom and dad for not letting me pursue that modeling career through Dillards weekend modeling school....man sometimes my life is sad.

Pasties and a Maxi Pad

All hale Santino.

Many people are opposed to this notorious cast member of Project Runway (Jenny, Maddie, others I'm sure), however last night I witnessed the funniest line in PR history. Second only to the Andre/Tim Red Lobster scenario which was amazing!

After producing 12 pieces for their final runway show they were told they had to make one more before they hit the runway. Needless to say all three designers almost collapsed the ground like Britney Spears after realizing she was not a girl anymore, but a knocked up woman.

Santino was contemplating sending a naked women down the runway, and then had a stroke of genius, deciding to send her out in pasties and a maxi pad. Don't worry, he didn't really do it. It was at this moment that I knew I would be bound to this show forever.

Thank you Santino.

Brady's and Toe Nails

Ok, this is post number two for today, but I have two stories I need to divulge to you.

Story 1: This weekend there was a 48 hour Brady Bunch marathon. I know what you're thinking and it is a lot of crazy Brady-ness. I was never a huge fan of the Brady’s and only watched when the other choice was MASH or other low caliber shows, however Katy turned it on Saturday morning and we kept coming back to it again and again. I spent a great deal of my weekend watching the Brady's going to the Grand Canyon, having a see-saw record breaking contest, building boys and girls club houses, getting stuck in a freezer, and having family photos taken, you name it I pretty much saw it.

The highlight of all the Brady’s would have to be when Katy described the Brady Bunch Reunion (which her family watches every Easter and she doesn't know why) to me where you find out what happened to all of them. To my dismay none of them went on to become drug addicts, alcoholics, or porn stars, but according to Katy one of them almost got a divorce...which was conveniently resolved by the end of the storyline.

Story 2: I decided to go get a pedicure this weekend since I wear flip flops most days now and people have to see my feet. Well the lady doing the pedicure told me that I cut my toe nails too short...something I don't have a problem with. Better too short than too long if you ask me.

Well, according to her cutting your toe nails too short is bad for your heart and can cause you to die. I know what you’re thinking this lady is crazy...and that is totally true. However, if I do die in the next couple weeks I want you all to make sure to tell the doctor that I cut my toe nails too short and not to bother with an autopsy.

All hail Michael! You're one crazy ass mo fo, but at least Anna Lucia is dead. Props to Adam for calling that right before it happened, genius.

Last night was a ridiculous night of television. ANTM, Alias, Lost, Idol (which I don't really follow but now know that that one girl got kicked off), that's roughly 2 1/2 hours of my life that are gone and would never ask to get back. All in all an amazing night.

Running Through My Head

I say sorry a ridiculous number of times a day. Wonder how many times people say that on average a day...and how many of those times do they really mean it?

Claty told me today that she was "weak" because she finished her sandwich at 11:20am this morning. Is this really weakness?...or just a girl that needs a pb & honey snack? ps...if you crack under the pressure of a sandwich imagine what Jack Bauer would do to you. One look and it would be over.

I get around 10 junk emails a day to my hotmail account and around 25 to my stupid aol email, how does this happen?! Who is giving out my email address?!

I was reading Dooce today and came to the conclusion that being a parent must be the hardest thing to do in the ENTIRE WORLD. If you have time read the March 28th entry you will fully understand why I came to this conclusion...coincidently it may also cause you to rethink reproducing.

American Idol-How can a show that should take 15 minutes to film last for an hour?! This is beyond me. My grievances with Idol are three fold:

1. Lame backgrounds/sets/lights

2. Lame judges...I really believe Paula had a lobotomy during her time off before this season

3. Lame song choices...you're not Christina or Celine give it up.

At the turn in where I work there are two stores right next to one another, one is a wedding dress shop, the other is a coffin store. Is that weird or is it just me? There must be some hidden meaning there.

Ok, I'm done with the random thought and general stupidity...for now at least. Hope that gives you something to think about the rest of the day, or the next two seconds, whatever.

Contemplation

Sometimes I wish I worked at Dunder Mifflin. I wish I could throw a football around so I wasn't cooped up in my office. Ok, maybe not a football but I do like to bounce tennis balls against walls sometimes, and when I played volleyball I enjoyed laying on my back and setting the ball up and down. I have been talking to Annalise and man is she funny today. As Jenny would say she has "upped her funny".

Here are three quotes I felt needed to be preserved in my blog for time and all eternity.

"watch football with a chinaman?"
"sick people can be funny too"
"kristi, you need to see someone about that... at least ask your mom or some other seasoned woman"
I am fond of the "seasoned woman" part of that one.
Whe encouraging me to leave work early....."you should just walk out and say "suckas!"

Ok, I'm done. More to come later I'm sure.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!

I realize that some of you will not consider this a true post, but I came across this quote and couldn't resist.

Dwight Schrute: Question, is there fire wood on the island?
Jim Halpert: I guess.
Dwight Schrute: Then I would bring an ax, no books.
Jim Halpert: It has to be a book Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Fine, Physician's Desk Reference...
Jim Halpert: Nine, smart.
Dwight Schrute: ...hollowed out, inside-waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

Also, for those of you interested in reading Dwight Schrute's blog (and you all should be) there you go.

*Be sure to visit the myspace link at the bottom of the entry as well, very entertaining.

Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Annalise and I were talking on IM and all of a sudden she says to me "nobody wants to see the bride's beaver." For those of you who are not familiar, this is a quote from Sex and the City. This came out of nowhere.

Turns out that she was looking for an old email and came across that subject line from an email I wrote a while ago. This got me wondering what awesome subject lines I have received from you, my readership. Here are my top picks.

Henry Dashwood and lovechild shockah!--Jenny

Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits. --Annalise

Crap crap crap and more crap--Kristin

Honest...ethical...that's me!--Jess

Say hi to Ben's Cookies for me!--Kristin

monica, i think i've gone to the bad place--Jenny

That's a scary mask, Bro-Annalise

24 reasons for this email--Jenny

what baby?--Jenny

This is a child's birthday party!--Annalise

All I want for Chrismukkah is a Bar Mitz-vahkkah

Man, nothing like a good Chrismukkah episode to kick off the season. Sometimes I wish I was Jewish, think of all the new words that would enter your vocabulary.

• FERSHTINKINER: A stinker, a louse. Amazing!
• KIBITZ: To offer comments which are often unwanted during a game, to tease or joke around. A kibitzer gives unasked for advice.
• YENTA: A busybody, usually refers to an older woman. "thank you but Harvard doesn't give a degree in yenta" (that's for you Jenny)
• VUS MACHS DA: What's happening? What's up?

I am totally feeling my inner Jew.

Moving on. As they say in testimony meetings across the world, I would like to publicly thank Adam Youngberg for his excellent host skills yesterday while I was at la casa Kristin, Jenny and Bridget. The cookies were excellent and so was the French Vanilla Hot Cocoa.

Ps… sorry to Katy for spilling on her hands.

Now for the sad part of the entry. Tomorrow I will be losing two of my favorite hanging out friends. Let me just say that I will miss you both and can't wait for the Chu's spring rolls...should I be at your house when the door bell rings. Here's hoping.

Well, I better be off. I love you all a million marshmallow Santa’s.