LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

Forgive me readership for I have sinned. It has been 24 years since my last confessional. While many sins have been committed in those few years that I should be confessing I have one looming sin that needs to be purged. Last night I committed a sin against my readership, namely Jenny, Kristin, and Adam.

After being cordially invited to dine with them I purgered myself by saying I was attending a movie with someone who was innocently dragged into my web of lies. I was not in fact seeing a movie with that person I was seeing an amazing film involving cross-dressing, coming out (in society) and soccer...I think you know what I'm talking about. I went to that movie with Michon, not she who must not be named. Don't know why I lied, such frivolity must have rubbed off from someone else. But I couldn't come over and enjoy ANTM and Lost without getting that off my jugs. I'm sorry, I lied, don't hate me.

I'm out of control

Check out this link Daily Frivolity.

Gumpin' it Up

Not sure if any of you have been to Bubba Gump Shrimp, but I want to tell you about it. First of all it's right in Time Square so it's pretty busy. It was a 45 minute wait, but we just walked around the Square so it wasn't too bad. While we were waiting we decided to stand in the gift shop because the rest of the place was so crowded. Lucky for us these two guys that worked there came up and started recommending places to go and shows to see.

I'm fairly certain one of them got his ideas from Sex and the City because he told us to go to Bed (a club) and the Meatpacking District for shopping and more clubs. It was pretty entertaining.

So once we finally got seated the place was pretty sweet. Very southern with seafood and such. The drink menu was on a ping pong paddle, there were signs that said Run Forrest Run or Stop Forrest Stop to get a waiters attention and our hush puppies came in a little bucket. It was all pretty sweet.

Our waitress was from Colorado, she's the one I referred to in my audio blog as being on audio pilot. When she told us where she was from Jackie asked what brought her to New York and she replied with the specials. It was pretty funny.

On another note, I was perusing iTunes today and came across this little piece of frivolity that many of you may be interested in...Gotta say the first two installments are just kind of funny, but I have high hopes for the future.

Babbling, Bumbling Bunch of Baboons

Ongoing New York joke: Jackie and I rode the subway around as you might have guessed. If you are familiar with the London tube you know that there is a set of seats that are for the handicapped and the seats are for two people plus a bit more room for what I can only assume is your handi and or cap.

New York has the same thing, except they have chosen to leave out the extra space and shrink down the seats rendering them useful to one person and a child, or those annoying people that enjoy getting it on in public.

Jackie and I made the mistake of sitting in this "cozy" space on one of our rides. Needless to say things were cramped, not to mention we spent most of the ride trying to spread out and squash each other a little more, once again causing fits of laughter which resulted in disgusted looks by the other passengers. Seems New Yorkers do not take well to our frivolity.

Well Mannered Frivolity

Many of you listened to my audio blogs in my absence, and for that I thank you. I went back and listened to them and am so sorry for the giggling mess of an entry I posted on March 12th. There were points when I didn't even know what I was saying and the words came straight from my mouth. This picture is one of the reasons for my lapse in control and has quite the story to go with it. (ignore the bit of cleavage Khaki is boasting)

The day before we left Jackie purchased this suede purse from Gap which was on sale for $50. It was very cute....until New York happened. Here is how the problems unfolded.

1. The blue dye from her Gap jeans began to rub off on the almost white purse.

2. The zipper got stuck on the lining leaving the purse open only enough for my hand to reach into the purse lottery where you had to play a guessing game and pray to Jesus that you picked up the right thing.
Sidebar-they check your bags when you enter the Natural History Museum and the dude couldn't open the purse either. Instead he did a thorough feel up the purse search.

3. The lining ripped when Jackie and I were playing tug of war with the zipper pull and the purse.

4. The leather zipper pull ripped off due to tug of war stress.

5. Jackie and I lost all control and had a laughing fit inside the Natural History Museum...it was awesome.

I love traveling with Khaki...you never know what will happen.

One more sidebar-Jackie returned the purse the day after we got back and Gap actually took back the poor mangled thing. Suckas!

Click click

Three Favorite Pictures: I promise, tomorrow I will start telling the stories behind the pictures.

I Heart NY

Well people, I'm back! And I gotta say I'm a little upset. I had one other audio blog that I posted on Monday night and it is not there for some reason. And let me tell you it was funny! I'm so sad. It involved Soho, beautiful people...and the realization that everyone in NY is about 1,000 times more good looking than people in other states. Therefore, making visitors like myself feel really ugly.

Other choice moments included, a visit to a Greek restaurant that a lady of the bus recommended to us that ended up costing each of us $60. Not to mention we ate squid with the largest heads I've ever seen, and fish that came with the head including a little eye that was looking up at me. Not the usual Greek food I know and love, but it was pretty good.
I'll fill you in on all the details and start posting pictures tomorrow.

Peace.

I love lists. Lists, lists, lists........

Five Songs I Sometimes Listen to on Repeat:

1. Such Great Heights--Iron & Wine
2. Bedshaped--Keane
3. Home Life--John Mayer
4. Amsterdam--Coldplay
5. The Luckiest--Ben Folds

Five Things I Currently Have No Intention of Doing:

1. Letting the rhythm get me
2. Becoming a member of GAG--Graphic Artists Guild (who named that organization?)
3. Seeing King Kong
4. Giving up on getting accepted to Hogwarts
5. Owning a book written by Dr. Phil

Five Things I See Everyday on My Way to Work:

1. People unable to use a roundabout
2. Khaki's apartment complex
3. This creepy lady at the bus stop by the creepy gas station who always waves to me
4. Myself in the rearview mirror
5. Starbucks...if I could get myself up a little earlier I'm sure I would be a slave to that place.

Five Little Things That Make Me Happy:

1. Getting in the car in the morning and having an awesome song come on.
2. The excitement I feel every time I visit anyone's blog.
3. My text message ringer "Kristi, Kristi, Kristi...ohh Kristi. Pick up the phone."
4. When the Cafe Rio people yell out FREE MEAL! and they are talking about me.
5. Being greeted when I come in the door of Kristin, Jenny and Bridget's.

Five Fake Movies on Lifetime this Week:

1. "Kathy Adopts a Baby"
2. "They Took Away My Adopted Baby"
3. "They Gave My Baby to a New Family"
4. "Give Me Back My Adopted Baby"
5. "How Kathy Got Her Baby Back"

Music of the Day

THE MEMBERS OF JOURNEY

A.K.A. "Ambassadors of Rock'n'Roll"

If you won't go to Seve I will bring Seve to you.

Let the Good Times Roll

Here are pics from Annalise's birthday party! Enjoy.

I love this one. Jenny, you're amazing. Two thumbs up.

Adam, you crack me up.

Steps to blow out your birthday candles:

1. Point at cake

2. Inhale-what are Jenny and Bridget doing?...helping maybe.

3. Exhale

Colbert T-shirt Contest

Vote on your favorite.....or tell me another idea. Sorry, some of these references are from last week. I recommend visiting the Repor and watching "DaColbert Code" and "A Glaring Omission." Enjoy.

Contemplation

Sometimes I wish I worked at Dunder Mifflin. I wish I could throw a football around so I wasn't cooped up in my office. Ok, maybe not a football but I do like to bounce tennis balls against walls sometimes, and when I played volleyball I enjoyed laying on my back and setting the ball up and down. I have been talking to Annalise and man is she funny today. As Jenny would say she has "upped her funny".

Here are three quotes I felt needed to be preserved in my blog for time and all eternity.

"watch football with a chinaman?"
"sick people can be funny too"
"kristi, you need to see someone about that... at least ask your mom or some other seasoned woman"
I am fond of the "seasoned woman" part of that one.
Whe encouraging me to leave work early....."you should just walk out and say "suckas!"

Ok, I'm done. More to come later I'm sure.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!

I realize that some of you will not consider this a true post, but I came across this quote and couldn't resist.

Dwight Schrute: Question, is there fire wood on the island?
Jim Halpert: I guess.
Dwight Schrute: Then I would bring an ax, no books.
Jim Halpert: It has to be a book Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Fine, Physician's Desk Reference...
Jim Halpert: Nine, smart.
Dwight Schrute: ...hollowed out, inside-waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

Also, for those of you interested in reading Dwight Schrute's blog (and you all should be) there you go.

*Be sure to visit the myspace link at the bottom of the entry as well, very entertaining.

Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Annalise and I were talking on IM and all of a sudden she says to me "nobody wants to see the bride's beaver." For those of you who are not familiar, this is a quote from Sex and the City. This came out of nowhere.

Turns out that she was looking for an old email and came across that subject line from an email I wrote a while ago. This got me wondering what awesome subject lines I have received from you, my readership. Here are my top picks.

Henry Dashwood and lovechild shockah!--Jenny

Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits. --Annalise

Crap crap crap and more crap--Kristin

Honest...ethical...that's me!--Jess

Say hi to Ben's Cookies for me!--Kristin

monica, i think i've gone to the bad place--Jenny

That's a scary mask, Bro-Annalise

24 reasons for this email--Jenny

what baby?--Jenny

This is a child's birthday party!--Annalise

Migraine headache=Jack Bauer Loritab=Nina Myers

Last night I was subjected to the wrath of the migraine headache. I tell you nothing can touch these things, they are the Jack Bauer of headaches. Luckily a friend of mine donated a Loritab to the Kristi's headache fund and that thing kicked Jack's ass like Nina Myers...minus the part where Nina gets what's coming to her in the end. Thank you person who I will not "out" in my blog for your protection.

Jenny, this is why we had the incredibly awkward phone call last night where I believe I said, "no thank you" when you asked if I wanted to watch Walk the Line. So sorry.

On a much more exciting note I made a purchase last night that is very exciting. I am now the proud owner of a digital camera! I have joined the 21st century, despite my fondness for actual film which I love. Jackie and I tested out my camera all over downtown Provo last night and came up with some sweet stuff. Here are my favorites so far.