Shutter

Here are a couple of my favorite pictures I have taken this past month. I realize this post kind of sucks, but I've been really busy. Hope you enjoy anyway.

I took this picture to document Jenny's amazing parking job for one of our weekly 24 nights.

This is what happens when I'm home alone and really bored with a camera.

Annalise loves popcorn and curry. I love this one.

I never get mail...unless it's bills, so I took this picture out of despiration. It's blurry, but I like it.

Pary 1 of My 5 Part Series

Over the coming weeks I will be bringing you, my readership a 5 part series entitled:

"things in Provo that scare the bejesus out of me"

I decided to start this series a while back but it never got off the ground, so I guess today is the day. Keep in mind that these things are in no particular order due to the fact that they are all SO creepy that no ranking can be made.

Item one is Gunnies Sporting Goods and Westernwear Store. Ok, a place with GUN in the title followed by -ies deserves this title. Have you ever driven past this place at night? It's creepy; there are enough bars, locks and grates to keep the military out of that place. I understand that this is probably a good thing, otherwise people like this:

would be breaking in and guarding their 200 square foot houses with free shot guns, but any place that needs that kind of security system is pretty freaking scary. I decided to visit the Gunnies Homepage to do a little research about this place and couldn't get past page one due to the gun and knife that are hovering on the page without any sort of drop shadow to ground them. Yet another creep thing about Gunnies. And that is why Gunnies Sporting Goods and Westernwear "scares the bejesus out of me."

Worry

Ok, I'm officially getting worried. Two weeks ago when we went to Guster we saw a dude around this sizewearing theseToday on my way back to work after lunch I saw a dude that looked like this

wearing the same pants.

Is this a leopard print stretch pant epidemic....pandemic? In a couple months will everyone be wearing these? Should I go out and get a pair now? I'm buying mine tonight, here is where everyone else can "Find Cool Clothes".

Cubicle

Short post, Jenny, the song from that sweet Apple commercial is called Cubicle by French electronic duo Rinôçérôse. Enjoy!

ps. the download says explicit, but I downloaded it and have no idea why.

Paper Things

So far this weekend has been pretty sweet, nothing has really happened per say, but it has been good. Khaki and I went to dinner at Outback Steakhouse last night which ended up being the longest wait of our lives, but in the end the grub was good so it was ok. There's nothing worse than going to a restaurant and hearing that the wait is over an hour long...and then after and hour and a half you are still sitting in the waiting area while the hostesses are dinking around their little stand making small talk with the waiters. LAME!

While we were waiting we got to watch these two kids hitting their parents with those paper things you get at birthday parties. You know, those long strips of paper that are wrapped around a stick and you can propel the paper in a long joust-type shape. I tried to find a picture of this thing online, but I had no idea what to call it. Google did not produce any credible sources for the search "paper wrapped around stick". All it was able to come up with was sticky paper places or wrapping paper. Anyway, around the time one of the kids was screaming and the other was hitting his father with the paper thing I started believing I wasn't cut out to have little monsters or children as some call them. We'll see.

Thinking of the Airport

Today I had a moment of jealousy. It happened when I was checking the status of the package I sent to my friend David Dean McDornbee. I came to the realization that my package had reached Stansted Airport and was now officially in England. As soon as I read the words I was relieved and jealous at the same time. It's not too often that I have that feeling towards a non-living thing.

As soon as I read the words this thought came to my head, "my package is in Stansted Airport, and I'm sitting in a window-less office in Provo, Utah."

Sad but true. Lucky for me I've got my readership to keep me entertained day in and day out. Thanks guys.

Jordan plays ball. Charlie Manson kills people. I talk.

Thank YOU for Smoking! Good hell this was a good movie. It has been a long time since I have laughed that hard and that often in a movie. I tried really hard to make a mental note of this amazing line at the beginning of the movie, but my brain couldn't hold on to it what with all the other amazing lines that were being thrown at me.

If this movie ever manages to achieve wide release in this state (a hard thing to do) I will go with each and every one of you. Here are a couple more choice lines from the movie. Let me just tell you this is only the beginning. Enjoy.

Joey Naylor: Dad, why is the American government the best government?
Nick Naylor: Because of our endless appeals system.

Nick Naylor: You know the guy who can get any girl he wants? I'm that guy, on crack.

Thank You For Smoking

I feel pressure to blog daily...mostly this pressure is placed on myself, by myself. However, today I have nothing to say. I do have a particularly long story involving The Letterbox, my local postal place which has decided to screw me over twice, however that story is too long to explain in this blog without getting a complaint from Jenny about it being too long or other people saying I am complaining or being annoying. That was a horribly long sentence, but oh well. Tonight I am going to see Thank You for Smoking, here's a little teaser:

Jeff Megall: Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make.
Nick Naylor: Cigarettes in space?
Jeff Megall: It's the final frontier, Nick.
Nick Naylor: But wouldn't they blow up in an all oxygen environment?
Jeff Megall: Probably. But it's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the... ' you know, whatever device.

I'll give a full report tomorrow.

I Want to Be Part of the Royal Year

Something truly shocking happened last night. After 24 everyone had left except Michon and we got to talking about all kinds of crap. Her advertising project, shopping trips, cereal, Darren's Dance Moves...ok, we didn't talk about that, but I wish we had.

She mentioned the time change and started to say you won't believe what I watched on Saturday night...this struck a cord in my brain because I too watched something somewhat embarrassing that same night.

After Annalise and I watched 9 hours of Arrested Development she left and I was alone, wide awake and sitting on my couch with a remote in my warm alive fingers. So I turned off the DVD player and started flipping through the guide.

As usual the last channel that was on could be viewed in the upper right hand corner as I flipped through the list of programs. A couple words and images caught my eye and before I knew it I said screw the program list, I'm watching Windsor Castle "A Royal Year". This show was AMAZING! Who knew so many cool things went on there! The dude that takes care of all the clocks at the estate has to take 17 hours to change the time during daylight savings and whatever the other one is called! That is insane!

I sat through an entire years worth of events at Windsor, everything from horse racing, to the staff caroling for the Queen on Christmas Eve. By the end I was so close to buying the program on DVD...which I realize would have been ridiculous, but I couldn't resist. I actually spent some time yesterday using the National Rail website to route out a trip from Chichster to Windsor, I can't wait! Needless to say Michon had too watched this show, I am still in shock about this. Amazing!

A Perfect Day

Jenny once said that she loves how after you go to a concert you have a renewed love for the band you went to see. Amen to that. I am officially declaring today Guster Day.

Three favorite facts from their bios:
Adam: was featured in a math book...that is amazing
Ryan: from Texas
Brian: used to be in a band called Toejamb...wow

All Praise Be to Jenny!

Words cannot express how happy your many many comments on my blog mean to me. However, this is a blog so I better come up with some words.

As many of you know I put Maroon 5 on notice on Tuesday January 24, 2006. I believe my exact words were:

"Maroon 5-I think we all know it's about time to put out another album-slackers!".

The fact that they are back in the studio makes this one of the best days of my life...ok, maybe not life but it's a pretty damn good day. And it is only made better by the fact that they have been listening to and are inspired by early Prince and Talking Heads. THEN to add even more icing on this wonderful Maroon 5 cake the name Kanye is mentioned! This is amazing! Maroon 5 you are officially off notice.

Your place will officially be filled by all weather systems in the entire world, namely the crap weather we have been experiencing around these parts. Get it together weather!

Running Through My Head

I say sorry a ridiculous number of times a day. Wonder how many times people say that on average a day...and how many of those times do they really mean it?

Claty told me today that she was "weak" because she finished her sandwich at 11:20am this morning. Is this really weakness?...or just a girl that needs a pb & honey snack? ps...if you crack under the pressure of a sandwich imagine what Jack Bauer would do to you. One look and it would be over.

I get around 10 junk emails a day to my hotmail account and around 25 to my stupid aol email, how does this happen?! Who is giving out my email address?!

I was reading Dooce today and came to the conclusion that being a parent must be the hardest thing to do in the ENTIRE WORLD. If you have time read the March 28th entry you will fully understand why I came to this conclusion...coincidently it may also cause you to rethink reproducing.

American Idol-How can a show that should take 15 minutes to film last for an hour?! This is beyond me. My grievances with Idol are three fold:

1. Lame backgrounds/sets/lights

2. Lame judges...I really believe Paula had a lobotomy during her time off before this season

3. Lame song choices...you're not Christina or Celine give it up.

At the turn in where I work there are two stores right next to one another, one is a wedding dress shop, the other is a coffin store. Is that weird or is it just me? There must be some hidden meaning there.

Ok, I'm done with the random thought and general stupidity...for now at least. Hope that gives you something to think about the rest of the day, or the next two seconds, whatever.

Summary of the Blogs I read daily:

Lately I feel as though I read a lot of blogs and the number only seems to be growing. I started thinking about one or two sentence descriptions to use to describe the blogs I frequent and here is what I cam up with:

jennyology: An entertaining perspective of life according to a struggling graphic design student who is obsessed with photoshoping. Her blogs are consistently entertaining and cover topics including music, Disney made for TV movies and Bayside High.

And now for something completely different: An insight into the inner workings of a creative and accomplished writer with "thoughtful" insights on all things moral, physical and carnal.

Michonie...that's the name...this is the blogging game: A story of a BYU sophomore student and her love for Duke basketball.

MUGWUMP: Musings and photography of a distant land also known as Maryland. I have no idea what MUGWUMP stands for, maybe I will find out someday.

The Usual Shop: An intellectual and robust combination of "jennyology" and "And now for something completely different" thinking. Pop culture meets well written entries.

Dooce: Professional blogger, enough said.

The Daily Oliver: One man, one dog, one photo…everyday. I want a dog. (that last part was me, not my description)

Say hello to my little friend.

This weekend Jackie and I went and test rode a LOT of bikes. Maybe not a whole lot but at least 5 each, which is 5 more than I've been on in the last 10 years. Not gonna lie the first one I got on I nearly crashed three times, it was pretty scary, but like the saying goes "it's like riding a bike" so i figured it out.

Dry Clean Only

This is quite possibly the best Bushism I have had in a while:

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."
-St. Charles, Missouri; November 2, 2000

That man never ceases to amaze me...with his stupidity that is. Ok, I have been having a lot of dreams as of late and I seem to slowly be dreaming about everyone I know. Last night my mind decided to throw Michon into the mix.

For some reason we were in the creepy gas station by Khaki's house, formerly known as the "Speedy Turtle"..I'm sure everyone is familiar. Well there was a picnic table inside and we were sitting at it doing our homework. Well, Michon was doing homework, I just had a yellow legal pad that I was doodling on. Anyway I wanted to get a couple shirts dry cleaned and the lady that was working there was ridiculous. She wouldn't let me give her my shirts and in the end she gave me a coupon book to come back some other time and I went back and sat on the picnic table with Michon doing nothing.

Where does this stuff come from? Clearly the inner workings of my mind are far more cloudy that I could have ever expected.

My Mind is Slip Slidin' Away

I am so sorry for the lack of blog yesterday, work is getting crazy and the blog had to take a back seat.

First of all Jess, you can look forward to a sweet pic of me in a future blog where I will make your dreams come true and attach my head to the biker chics body. I'm here to please and I gotta say that is one sweet idea.

Moving on. I had a dream last night that was very strange. I have been working on coding web pages at work and I pretty much suck at it so it has been on my mind a lot lately. Well, last night I had a dream that Adam was teaching me html and he just kept talking and talking and talking and all the information was going in one ear and out the other. I had this dream early this morning so at one point amidst my daze of sleepiness I actually thought he was in my room droning on about table tags and other html jargon. I woke myself up when I told him to stop talking. Clearly I need help.

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

Forgive me readership for I have sinned. It has been 24 years since my last confessional. While many sins have been committed in those few years that I should be confessing I have one looming sin that needs to be purged. Last night I committed a sin against my readership, namely Jenny, Kristin, and Adam.

After being cordially invited to dine with them I purgered myself by saying I was attending a movie with someone who was innocently dragged into my web of lies. I was not in fact seeing a movie with that person I was seeing an amazing film involving cross-dressing, coming out (in society) and soccer...I think you know what I'm talking about. I went to that movie with Michon, not she who must not be named. Don't know why I lied, such frivolity must have rubbed off from someone else. But I couldn't come over and enjoy ANTM and Lost without getting that off my jugs. I'm sorry, I lied, don't hate me.

I'm out of control

Check out this link Daily Frivolity.

Gumpin' it Up

Not sure if any of you have been to Bubba Gump Shrimp, but I want to tell you about it. First of all it's right in Time Square so it's pretty busy. It was a 45 minute wait, but we just walked around the Square so it wasn't too bad. While we were waiting we decided to stand in the gift shop because the rest of the place was so crowded. Lucky for us these two guys that worked there came up and started recommending places to go and shows to see.

I'm fairly certain one of them got his ideas from Sex and the City because he told us to go to Bed (a club) and the Meatpacking District for shopping and more clubs. It was pretty entertaining.

So once we finally got seated the place was pretty sweet. Very southern with seafood and such. The drink menu was on a ping pong paddle, there were signs that said Run Forrest Run or Stop Forrest Stop to get a waiters attention and our hush puppies came in a little bucket. It was all pretty sweet.

Our waitress was from Colorado, she's the one I referred to in my audio blog as being on audio pilot. When she told us where she was from Jackie asked what brought her to New York and she replied with the specials. It was pretty funny.

On another note, I was perusing iTunes today and came across this little piece of frivolity that many of you may be interested in...Gotta say the first two installments are just kind of funny, but I have high hopes for the future.

Babbling, Bumbling Bunch of Baboons

Ongoing New York joke: Jackie and I rode the subway around as you might have guessed. If you are familiar with the London tube you know that there is a set of seats that are for the handicapped and the seats are for two people plus a bit more room for what I can only assume is your handi and or cap.

New York has the same thing, except they have chosen to leave out the extra space and shrink down the seats rendering them useful to one person and a child, or those annoying people that enjoy getting it on in public.

Jackie and I made the mistake of sitting in this "cozy" space on one of our rides. Needless to say things were cramped, not to mention we spent most of the ride trying to spread out and squash each other a little more, once again causing fits of laughter which resulted in disgusted looks by the other passengers. Seems New Yorkers do not take well to our frivolity.

Well Mannered Frivolity

Many of you listened to my audio blogs in my absence, and for that I thank you. I went back and listened to them and am so sorry for the giggling mess of an entry I posted on March 12th. There were points when I didn't even know what I was saying and the words came straight from my mouth. This picture is one of the reasons for my lapse in control and has quite the story to go with it. (ignore the bit of cleavage Khaki is boasting)

The day before we left Jackie purchased this suede purse from Gap which was on sale for $50. It was very cute....until New York happened. Here is how the problems unfolded.

1. The blue dye from her Gap jeans began to rub off on the almost white purse.

2. The zipper got stuck on the lining leaving the purse open only enough for my hand to reach into the purse lottery where you had to play a guessing game and pray to Jesus that you picked up the right thing.
Sidebar-they check your bags when you enter the Natural History Museum and the dude couldn't open the purse either. Instead he did a thorough feel up the purse search.

3. The lining ripped when Jackie and I were playing tug of war with the zipper pull and the purse.

4. The leather zipper pull ripped off due to tug of war stress.

5. Jackie and I lost all control and had a laughing fit inside the Natural History Museum...it was awesome.

I love traveling with Khaki...you never know what will happen.

One more sidebar-Jackie returned the purse the day after we got back and Gap actually took back the poor mangled thing. Suckas!

Click click

Three Favorite Pictures: I promise, tomorrow I will start telling the stories behind the pictures.

I Heart NY

Well people, I'm back! And I gotta say I'm a little upset. I had one other audio blog that I posted on Monday night and it is not there for some reason. And let me tell you it was funny! I'm so sad. It involved Soho, beautiful people...and the realization that everyone in NY is about 1,000 times more good looking than people in other states. Therefore, making visitors like myself feel really ugly.

Other choice moments included, a visit to a Greek restaurant that a lady of the bus recommended to us that ended up costing each of us $60. Not to mention we ate squid with the largest heads I've ever seen, and fish that came with the head including a little eye that was looking up at me. Not the usual Greek food I know and love, but it was pretty good.
I'll fill you in on all the details and start posting pictures tomorrow.

Peace.

I love lists. Lists, lists, lists........

Five Songs I Sometimes Listen to on Repeat:

1. Such Great Heights--Iron & Wine
2. Bedshaped--Keane
3. Home Life--John Mayer
4. Amsterdam--Coldplay
5. The Luckiest--Ben Folds

Five Things I Currently Have No Intention of Doing:

1. Letting the rhythm get me
2. Becoming a member of GAG--Graphic Artists Guild (who named that organization?)
3. Seeing King Kong
4. Giving up on getting accepted to Hogwarts
5. Owning a book written by Dr. Phil

Five Things I See Everyday on My Way to Work:

1. People unable to use a roundabout
2. Khaki's apartment complex
3. This creepy lady at the bus stop by the creepy gas station who always waves to me
4. Myself in the rearview mirror
5. Starbucks...if I could get myself up a little earlier I'm sure I would be a slave to that place.

Five Little Things That Make Me Happy:

1. Getting in the car in the morning and having an awesome song come on.
2. The excitement I feel every time I visit anyone's blog.
3. My text message ringer "Kristi, Kristi, Kristi...ohh Kristi. Pick up the phone."
4. When the Cafe Rio people yell out FREE MEAL! and they are talking about me.
5. Being greeted when I come in the door of Kristin, Jenny and Bridget's.

Five Fake Movies on Lifetime this Week:

1. "Kathy Adopts a Baby"
2. "They Took Away My Adopted Baby"
3. "They Gave My Baby to a New Family"
4. "Give Me Back My Adopted Baby"
5. "How Kathy Got Her Baby Back"

Music of the Day

THE MEMBERS OF JOURNEY

A.K.A. "Ambassadors of Rock'n'Roll"

If you won't go to Seve I will bring Seve to you.

Let the Good Times Roll

Here are pics from Annalise's birthday party! Enjoy.

I love this one. Jenny, you're amazing. Two thumbs up.

Adam, you crack me up.

Steps to blow out your birthday candles:

1. Point at cake

2. Inhale-what are Jenny and Bridget doing?...helping maybe.

3. Exhale

Colbert T-shirt Contest

Vote on your favorite.....or tell me another idea. Sorry, some of these references are from last week. I recommend visiting the Repor and watching "DaColbert Code" and "A Glaring Omission." Enjoy.

Contemplation

Sometimes I wish I worked at Dunder Mifflin. I wish I could throw a football around so I wasn't cooped up in my office. Ok, maybe not a football but I do like to bounce tennis balls against walls sometimes, and when I played volleyball I enjoyed laying on my back and setting the ball up and down. I have been talking to Annalise and man is she funny today. As Jenny would say she has "upped her funny".

Here are three quotes I felt needed to be preserved in my blog for time and all eternity.

"watch football with a chinaman?"
"sick people can be funny too"
"kristi, you need to see someone about that... at least ask your mom or some other seasoned woman"
I am fond of the "seasoned woman" part of that one.
Whe encouraging me to leave work early....."you should just walk out and say "suckas!"

Ok, I'm done. More to come later I'm sure.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!

I realize that some of you will not consider this a true post, but I came across this quote and couldn't resist.

Dwight Schrute: Question, is there fire wood on the island?
Jim Halpert: I guess.
Dwight Schrute: Then I would bring an ax, no books.
Jim Halpert: It has to be a book Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Fine, Physician's Desk Reference...
Jim Halpert: Nine, smart.
Dwight Schrute: ...hollowed out, inside-waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

Also, for those of you interested in reading Dwight Schrute's blog (and you all should be) there you go.

*Be sure to visit the myspace link at the bottom of the entry as well, very entertaining.

Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Annalise and I were talking on IM and all of a sudden she says to me "nobody wants to see the bride's beaver." For those of you who are not familiar, this is a quote from Sex and the City. This came out of nowhere.

Turns out that she was looking for an old email and came across that subject line from an email I wrote a while ago. This got me wondering what awesome subject lines I have received from you, my readership. Here are my top picks.

Henry Dashwood and lovechild shockah!--Jenny

Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits. --Annalise

Crap crap crap and more crap--Kristin

Honest...ethical...that's me!--Jess

Say hi to Ben's Cookies for me!--Kristin

monica, i think i've gone to the bad place--Jenny

That's a scary mask, Bro-Annalise

24 reasons for this email--Jenny

what baby?--Jenny

This is a child's birthday party!--Annalise

Migraine headache=Jack Bauer Loritab=Nina Myers

Last night I was subjected to the wrath of the migraine headache. I tell you nothing can touch these things, they are the Jack Bauer of headaches. Luckily a friend of mine donated a Loritab to the Kristi's headache fund and that thing kicked Jack's ass like Nina Myers...minus the part where Nina gets what's coming to her in the end. Thank you person who I will not "out" in my blog for your protection.

Jenny, this is why we had the incredibly awkward phone call last night where I believe I said, "no thank you" when you asked if I wanted to watch Walk the Line. So sorry.

On a much more exciting note I made a purchase last night that is very exciting. I am now the proud owner of a digital camera! I have joined the 21st century, despite my fondness for actual film which I love. Jackie and I tested out my camera all over downtown Provo last night and came up with some sweet stuff. Here are my favorites so far.