I would gladly allow this company to take over the world.

How can one company be so cool? This boggles my mind. This is the new Apple Store on Fifth Avenue in New York City. New York is so lucky. To see more go here.

RETRACTION

Three Things:

1. Thank you Devin Harris

2. Finley, when are you coming back?

3. I love seeing Dirk look like this. Like a little giant sitting in a doctors office.

32 points including his beautiful rainbow jumper, 20 ties, 7 lead changes. I love this game.

Brady's and Toe Nails

Ok, this is post number two for today, but I have two stories I need to divulge to you.

Story 1: This weekend there was a 48 hour Brady Bunch marathon. I know what you're thinking and it is a lot of crazy Brady-ness. I was never a huge fan of the Brady’s and only watched when the other choice was MASH or other low caliber shows, however Katy turned it on Saturday morning and we kept coming back to it again and again. I spent a great deal of my weekend watching the Brady's going to the Grand Canyon, having a see-saw record breaking contest, building boys and girls club houses, getting stuck in a freezer, and having family photos taken, you name it I pretty much saw it.

The highlight of all the Brady’s would have to be when Katy described the Brady Bunch Reunion (which her family watches every Easter and she doesn't know why) to me where you find out what happened to all of them. To my dismay none of them went on to become drug addicts, alcoholics, or porn stars, but according to Katy one of them almost got a divorce...which was conveniently resolved by the end of the storyline.

Story 2: I decided to go get a pedicure this weekend since I wear flip flops most days now and people have to see my feet. Well the lady doing the pedicure told me that I cut my toe nails too short...something I don't have a problem with. Better too short than too long if you ask me.

Well, according to her cutting your toe nails too short is bad for your heart and can cause you to die. I know what you’re thinking this lady is crazy...and that is totally true. However, if I do die in the next couple weeks I want you all to make sure to tell the doctor that I cut my toe nails too short and not to bother with an autopsy.

How can anyone not love the NBA?

This image was on their homepage today and I thought of Jenny. It is beyond me why anyone would subject themselves to NOT being a part of this game. With players like Dirk, Jason Terry, LeBron, Kobe, Duncan, Nash, good old Sam Cassell, Chauncey Billups KG, Shaq,Tony Parker, and Dwayne Wade pulling triple doubles, flagrant fouls, blocks, 3 pointers, and sweet dunks game after game. Everyone should invest their time in at least one of the Mavs v Spurs series. This is a knock down drag out fighting tooth and nail series that will have you yelling "suckas!" at your TV one minute and praying to the basketball gods the next.

As far as I'm concerned any game that combines smooth moves, sweet kicks, monster jams, and the occasional Ron Artest moment to keep you on your toes is as good as it gets.

Thanks James Naismith for reading up on international games in 1891 and coming up with your own version called basketball. The only purely American sport.

ps. Is it just me or does this look like Dirk and Nash if they were playing in the 70's?

Conversation from a dinner party with Voldemort:

Voldemort: This is interesting, what kind of mushrooms are these?
Kristi: Shitoki
Voldemort: Interesting
Kristi: So what have you been up to lately?
Voldemort: Oh same old same old. Trying return to my celebrity status, but as usual getting crapped on all the way.
Kristi: Sorry man.
Voldemort: No worries, I'm working on a new plan to update my image. Maybe I should hook up with Lindsay Lohan or I could break up Britney Spears marriage and father her child.
Kristi: She's already pregnant again.
Voldemort: Damnit.

Happy Birthday Bono!

I would like to wish Bono a Happy 46th Birthday. I like to believe he is pointing to me in this picture and saying something like "you're even better than the real thing" or "Apple loves me, how many iPods do you want?” May you never stop making music, or annoying my mom with your political schemes.

T-shirt Contest

Several weekends ago I decided that I was going to take my camera everywhere I went just in case I came upon something picture worthy. Much to my surprise I came in contact with several things that caught my eye. Some of them being a dragon fly (something I see very rarely), a man on a giant tricycle, and a gas station with gas prices that boggled my mind.

One other photo was this one:

I parked next to this car at Target and couldn't get over the state the inside was in. First of all every seat in the car is wearing a t-shirt. If a person was wearing a t-shirt with that kind of low smiley face neckline you would either be witnessing a peep show or a hairy chest exhibition.

It also appears as though the person that owns the car lives on a steady diet of Wendy's. Only a small portion of the trash can be seen from this angle, but you can see at least three cups and two bags of trash from the Old Fashioned hamburger joint.

I'll admit this blog has literally no point whatsoever. And considering I failed to blog yesterday you would think this would be a stellar entry, but I feel as though I have failed to reach even the sub-genius level. To fill the void I will now post the picture of the dude on the huge tricycle.

Peace.

Churros, Chimichangas, Guacamole, and a Donkey

Cinco de Mayo, the the 5^th of May. I really have no idea what Cinco de Mayo is celebrating, but I do know that it is not Mexican Independence day as many believe. I actually read a whole article about the day on Friday and have retained nothing but the fact that it is not Mexican Independence Day. Regardless we celebrated the day of non-independence and it was a very memorable experience.

Jackie was kind enough to purchase a lovely donkey piñata from the Mexican store. Keep in mind this store does not sell actual Mexicans. Sadly the donkey was red, white and blue…not the red, white and green you would think it would be, but it still did the job. We couldn’t find a hole to put the candy inside so Jackie took the liberty of creating her own hole, an ass hole if you will. Here she is filling said donkey through said hole.

Because we didn’t have a tree to hang it from or a bat to swat at it we decided to play baseball with donkey and use a golf club as the bat. It doesn’t get more ghetto (or amazing) than this.

Here’s Katy at the bat.

It only took one hit to do the thing in and this is how I decided to use the legs.

Good Cinco de Mayo.

Cloodle cloodle cloodle cloodle cloodle cloodle

Hoopla! Last night was yet another amazing night! First we played a round of Jeopardy and Andy kicked some serious butt as usual. Next the real fun began with a little game called Hoopla. There are four possible ways to play each card:

Tongue-Tied: "Funky. Footwear. Fashionable. Fad." … "It's platform shoes!" Brainstorm words that all start with the same letter to describe the card you're holding.

Soundstage: Why does your friend look like he's trying to hail a rescue plane while humming your school's fight song? He's acting out "cheerleader"! This activity encourages you to act out fun clues -- with sound effects!

Tweener: "It's bigger than a gladiator, but smaller than Rome." … "That's the Colosseum!" Craft a pair of clever clues to help teammates zero in on the answer.

Cloodle: Is that a drawing of a safari or animal crackers? Hey, it's the zoo! Get in touch with your inner artist as you sketch fun clues about the cards in your hand.

This may sound like another game of Cranium and frankly it is quite close but after recrafting the rules and throwing the timer out the window we were able to create some choice memories.

Here are my top five:

1. Katy crowd surfing on the couch while trying to act out "mosh pit"

2. Andy flexing, not flashing us, and pretending to be a boozer while trying to act out Marti Gras.

3. Me using the phrase "muppet flip top head" to help them get to Pez

4. Kristin's clue, "it's bigger than a biscuit
and smaller than the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man" Priceless!

5. Katy playing the pretend piano and saying "whooooo whoooo" in an effort to be Elton John.

Needless to say it was an AMAZING night that can not truly be described in words. Thank you Hoopla!

All hail Michael! You're one crazy ass mo fo, but at least Anna Lucia is dead. Props to Adam for calling that right before it happened, genius.

Last night was a ridiculous night of television. ANTM, Alias, Lost, Idol (which I don't really follow but now know that that one girl got kicked off), that's roughly 2 1/2 hours of my life that are gone and would never ask to get back. All in all an amazing night.

Congratulations you're white!

Katy and I had our first session yesterday. I use the word session loosly beacuse she is neither a psychiatrist or a mental health professional of any kind. She IS however, the owner of an interesting book called The Color Code. I've taken these color tests several times but it is always fun to take them again. Turns out I am mostly white and blue...a true Mavs fan to the core as you can see. Some noted celebrities that also have these color personalities are Michael Jackson (scary), Jimmy Carter, Abraham Lincoln, Einstein, Princess Diana and Walt Disney. I gotta say that is quite the array of people.

According to the website whites are motivated by PEACE. They seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. To them, feeling good is more important than being good. (how did they know that?) They are typically quiet by nature, process things very deeply and objectively with great clarity. Of all the colors, WHITES are the best listeners. They respect people who are direct but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle. (this is getting freaky)

WHITES need their "alone time" and refuse to be controlled by others. (couldn't be more true) WHITES want to do things their own way and in their own time. They ask little of others and resent others demanding much of them. WHITES are much stronger than people think, but are not often seen for their strength because they don't easily reveal their feelings. WHITES are even-tempered, diplomatic, and the voice of reason; but can also be indecisive, unexpressive, and silently stubborn. (wow, these color people are freaking amazing!) When others interact with you, as a WHITE you respond to them best if they are kind, accepting and supporting of your individuality, and if they look for non-verbal clues to understand your feelings.

I miss you old Apple logo

Go here watch good stuff.

Do it again but bop better!

Thanks to a little online store called areyougame.com, amazing name by the way, I am now the owner of Bop It Extreme 2! A souped up version of the original Bop It Extreme that now has new features, including volume control. Everyone should go ahead and thank Hasbro for this new feature because without it you would get to hear the racecar steering wheel shout "spin it!, flick it!, twist it!,"do it again but bop better! and many other lovely yet ridiculously loud commands and insults.

Let me apologize in advance to Katy as she will have to hear the brunt of this shouting. BUT, if you're nice I might let you play too and we could even play against one another. Does anyone else smell good times, because I do.

Wish you were herre

10 Phrases I Already Miss Hearing from Jenny

1. "H yes!"
2. "I could throw that down"
3. "clutch"-in any situation, most appreciated when referring to Kristi, K, or Krizzle
4. "rio?"
5. nelly lyrics of any kind
6. "wanna be a balla....."
7. "holla! holla! holla!"
8. "I hate my CD player!!!!!"
9. "...and I'm gonna need a coke."
10."good stuff"

We miss you J-cup, you're clutch.

What day is today...you know what happened.

f.

"Dude, this is boring."

Yesterday I received one of the funniest text messages I've received in a long time. Annalise decided to go to Convocation with her parents to spend a little time with them. At exactly 4:33pm I received a text that said, "Dude, this is boring."

That makes me feel better as someone who did not attend convocation. Doesn't seem like I missed much. Let me send a big shout out to my new college graduate friends, Annalise, Kristin, and Bridget. Welcome to the real world. It sucks, you're gonna love it.

Some are Lucky...others not so much.

It has been several months since my "on notice" list was posted and I am happy to announce that several people are no longer under my radar. However, with the removal of some comes the addition of others. My garbage man, Mark Pollei, Maroon 5 and Jenny have all been removed over the last couple months. Here are the replacements.

1. Ants - These tiny demons of annoyance have recently taken up residence somewhere in my house and I have started finding them in by bathroom, not cool ants.

2. Baby Wipes - Wipes, you clogged my pipes and caused me to have to hear a "what can go down a toilet" speech not once but twice.

3. Suri Cruise - I want to see what you look like, you're on notice until you show your face.

4. L. Ron Hubbard, science fiction author and founder of Scientology, a religion that is frequently perceived as a cult and a pseudoreligion. It should be your job to get Suri to show herself. You need to get on that.

Steve Nash what happened to you?

First things first, I love Steve Nash and I miss him so much, but these pictures make me a little worried about what the Phoenix sun is doing to his brain.

I gotta give GQ props for naming him "baller of the year" because lets face it who wouldn't want that title, but what the hell were they thinking when they shot these photos?! Jenny told me about these a couple weeks ago but I had not seen the ACTUAL shots until today.

WOW! This is a classic example of what happens when the flamboyant GQ staff is set free on an innocent baller. Never in my life would I believe that it was Steve's idea to put on a jacket with a fur collar or blow out his hair and drape it over his forehead like a Beatle/hair band member.At first glance I didn't even believe it was him. Where is the Steve I know and love? I have compiled a Steve Nash montage to show the real balller. Do me a favor Steve, keep kicking Kobe up and down the court because I want to see you and Dirk reunite. But keep in mind when that reunion occurs I will form a temporary hatred towards you.

Destiny

I love it when little things remind you of funny memories. I just finished taking out the trash at work because I lost the "Friday Challenge" again last week. As I was walking back from the asphalt/gravel parking lot I started listening to the sound of the gravel grinding under my feet and was reminded of a time I "worked" for my dad when I was really young, probably around 8. I'm guessing he had run out of stuff for me and my sisters to do because he told us to go outside and sweep the gravel parking lot in front of the office building. Have you ever tried to sweet a gravel parking lot?...it can't be done. To this day my dad still laughs when we bring that up...I'm pretty sure he's laughing because he actually convinced us to sweep a GRAVEL parking lot. Man we were stupid. Thanks Dad.

What happens when you start killing time

Quick study. I was in Bath & Body Works yesterday killing some time and this pushy sales lady made me try this lip plumper. Lucky for me I had my camera in the car which allows me to now conduct a study. One of these lips is supposedly not like the other. We'll call the set on the left "the left one" and the set on the right "the right one." Which one was subjected to the pushy lady? You decide. Good luck.

Happy 80th birthday Queen Elizabeth!

Today England's beloved Queen turns 80. She is so cute! If you want to email her a birthday card you can do that here. I'm sure she would appreciate it. Man, any country that has an entire website devoted to the birthday of their Queen is pretty kick-a. I can't imagine something like that going well for old Bushy. Happy Birthday Queen Elizabeth!

I love grill. Grill. Grill. Grill.

All hail the grill. Yesterday felt like summer outside and to celebrate I made an entire meal on a grill. I am a major fan of "los grill" now and plan to grill all week long. So far I've done chicken, corn, and potatoes, and I plan on grilling anything I can think of over the next couple days. Suggestions welcome.

The actual grilling started off a little rocky. When I turned on the gas Jackie didn't quite get the match in the grill to ignite it....and the gas kept going, which made me a little worried. BUT with one rather large poof of flames the week of grilling began. The only other mishap that happened was one of the pieces of chicken fell through the grill, sad but true. I'll be sure to document this week of grilling more thoroughly from now on.

I believe they call this a "bad omen"

Have you ever walked out your front door to be greeted with this? If this isn't a bad omen I don't know what is. As I have told many of you last night I was rudely awoken by the sound of bubbling water coming from my toilet, a place you never want to hear something of that nature. The tub revealed something much worse, sewage. Yes, I said sewage. It went back down but chose to return yesterday afternoon causing me to leave work in a tirade in case my cute house was being defiled by the "s" word.

A man is currently here attempting to rectify this sewage situation and has decided to do so from the roof. Let me tell you I am just as confused as you. I was under the impression that water pipes lived underground deep beneath our feet not aloft. My audio post, while totally inaudible, (which I realize) is documentation of what can only be described as a Wizard of Oz like witch crushing tornado, big mamba jomba pipe ass kicking. It pretty much sounds like my house is about to fall down.

After three hours of cleaning our pipes I received TWO lectures, one from my landlord and another from the rooter dude about what can and cannot go down a toilet. During both lectures I was advised not to put paper towels down the crapper. Who does that?! As it turns out the previous tenant put all of her baby wipes in the john, ergo, my night of literal crappiness.

Does this seem unnatural to anyone else?

Ask a Ninja

Quick post. Dane has introduced me to Ask a Ninja, a podcast everyone should experience at least once. Enjoy.

"about to get taken to a dream world of magic"

Happy late Easter everyone. Hope everyone's day was filled with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow peeps.

I spent a lot of the day cleaning and then went for a sweet bike ride with Jackie. We encountered a little problem when the trail ended, but we pulled through. I enjoy going in bike rides on trails, however I do not like going under those bridges with the tiny dark tunnels. Having to yell "coming down" as you’re heading into a dark wet slippery tunnel is not too fun if you ask me. Every time I do it I think of Erin Reading and how she ended up in a body cast when she went for a bike ride down one of those in Plano and slipped on the rising water. Perhaps I should explore another trail to prevent this.

Later I ate some grub with the Cumming's twins. I gotta say those two are pretty funny. They take me back to the days of high school when we would do stupid things like steal construction signs and place them in front yards. Or when we took the Jack antenna ball from someone (have no idea who that was anymore) and turned it into a flower before returning it to the pimped out man truck it was attached to. Good times.

Jackie and I also got our Narnia on last night. That movie is freaking amazing! The only thing that would have made it better was a couple cup cakes, some Mr. Pibb and a tub of red vines. Everyone should revisit that one and soon. Hope everyone's Easter was as kick-a as mine.

Is it just me or does it look like this rabbit is giving a "Heil Hitler"?

Bushism

"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. . . He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."
-Nashville, Tennessee May 27, 2004

Shutter

Here are a couple of my favorite pictures I have taken this past month. I realize this post kind of sucks, but I've been really busy. Hope you enjoy anyway.

I took this picture to document Jenny's amazing parking job for one of our weekly 24 nights.

This is what happens when I'm home alone and really bored with a camera.

Annalise loves popcorn and curry. I love this one.

I never get mail...unless it's bills, so I took this picture out of despiration. It's blurry, but I like it.

Pary 1 of My 5 Part Series

Over the coming weeks I will be bringing you, my readership a 5 part series entitled:

"things in Provo that scare the bejesus out of me"

I decided to start this series a while back but it never got off the ground, so I guess today is the day. Keep in mind that these things are in no particular order due to the fact that they are all SO creepy that no ranking can be made.

Item one is Gunnies Sporting Goods and Westernwear Store. Ok, a place with GUN in the title followed by -ies deserves this title. Have you ever driven past this place at night? It's creepy; there are enough bars, locks and grates to keep the military out of that place. I understand that this is probably a good thing, otherwise people like this:

would be breaking in and guarding their 200 square foot houses with free shot guns, but any place that needs that kind of security system is pretty freaking scary. I decided to visit the Gunnies Homepage to do a little research about this place and couldn't get past page one due to the gun and knife that are hovering on the page without any sort of drop shadow to ground them. Yet another creep thing about Gunnies. And that is why Gunnies Sporting Goods and Westernwear "scares the bejesus out of me."

Worry

Ok, I'm officially getting worried. Two weeks ago when we went to Guster we saw a dude around this sizewearing theseToday on my way back to work after lunch I saw a dude that looked like this

wearing the same pants.

Is this a leopard print stretch pant epidemic....pandemic? In a couple months will everyone be wearing these? Should I go out and get a pair now? I'm buying mine tonight, here is where everyone else can "Find Cool Clothes".

Cubicle

Short post, Jenny, the song from that sweet Apple commercial is called Cubicle by French electronic duo Rinôçérôse. Enjoy!

ps. the download says explicit, but I downloaded it and have no idea why.

Paper Things

So far this weekend has been pretty sweet, nothing has really happened per say, but it has been good. Khaki and I went to dinner at Outback Steakhouse last night which ended up being the longest wait of our lives, but in the end the grub was good so it was ok. There's nothing worse than going to a restaurant and hearing that the wait is over an hour long...and then after and hour and a half you are still sitting in the waiting area while the hostesses are dinking around their little stand making small talk with the waiters. LAME!

While we were waiting we got to watch these two kids hitting their parents with those paper things you get at birthday parties. You know, those long strips of paper that are wrapped around a stick and you can propel the paper in a long joust-type shape. I tried to find a picture of this thing online, but I had no idea what to call it. Google did not produce any credible sources for the search "paper wrapped around stick". All it was able to come up with was sticky paper places or wrapping paper. Anyway, around the time one of the kids was screaming and the other was hitting his father with the paper thing I started believing I wasn't cut out to have little monsters or children as some call them. We'll see.

Thinking of the Airport

Today I had a moment of jealousy. It happened when I was checking the status of the package I sent to my friend David Dean McDornbee. I came to the realization that my package had reached Stansted Airport and was now officially in England. As soon as I read the words I was relieved and jealous at the same time. It's not too often that I have that feeling towards a non-living thing.

As soon as I read the words this thought came to my head, "my package is in Stansted Airport, and I'm sitting in a window-less office in Provo, Utah."

Sad but true. Lucky for me I've got my readership to keep me entertained day in and day out. Thanks guys.

Jordan plays ball. Charlie Manson kills people. I talk.

Thank YOU for Smoking! Good hell this was a good movie. It has been a long time since I have laughed that hard and that often in a movie. I tried really hard to make a mental note of this amazing line at the beginning of the movie, but my brain couldn't hold on to it what with all the other amazing lines that were being thrown at me.

If this movie ever manages to achieve wide release in this state (a hard thing to do) I will go with each and every one of you. Here are a couple more choice lines from the movie. Let me just tell you this is only the beginning. Enjoy.

Joey Naylor: Dad, why is the American government the best government?
Nick Naylor: Because of our endless appeals system.

Nick Naylor: You know the guy who can get any girl he wants? I'm that guy, on crack.

Thank You For Smoking

I feel pressure to blog daily...mostly this pressure is placed on myself, by myself. However, today I have nothing to say. I do have a particularly long story involving The Letterbox, my local postal place which has decided to screw me over twice, however that story is too long to explain in this blog without getting a complaint from Jenny about it being too long or other people saying I am complaining or being annoying. That was a horribly long sentence, but oh well. Tonight I am going to see Thank You for Smoking, here's a little teaser:

Jeff Megall: Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make.
Nick Naylor: Cigarettes in space?
Jeff Megall: It's the final frontier, Nick.
Nick Naylor: But wouldn't they blow up in an all oxygen environment?
Jeff Megall: Probably. But it's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the... ' you know, whatever device.

I'll give a full report tomorrow.

I Want to Be Part of the Royal Year

Something truly shocking happened last night. After 24 everyone had left except Michon and we got to talking about all kinds of crap. Her advertising project, shopping trips, cereal, Darren's Dance Moves...ok, we didn't talk about that, but I wish we had.

She mentioned the time change and started to say you won't believe what I watched on Saturday night...this struck a cord in my brain because I too watched something somewhat embarrassing that same night.

After Annalise and I watched 9 hours of Arrested Development she left and I was alone, wide awake and sitting on my couch with a remote in my warm alive fingers. So I turned off the DVD player and started flipping through the guide.

As usual the last channel that was on could be viewed in the upper right hand corner as I flipped through the list of programs. A couple words and images caught my eye and before I knew it I said screw the program list, I'm watching Windsor Castle "A Royal Year". This show was AMAZING! Who knew so many cool things went on there! The dude that takes care of all the clocks at the estate has to take 17 hours to change the time during daylight savings and whatever the other one is called! That is insane!

I sat through an entire years worth of events at Windsor, everything from horse racing, to the staff caroling for the Queen on Christmas Eve. By the end I was so close to buying the program on DVD...which I realize would have been ridiculous, but I couldn't resist. I actually spent some time yesterday using the National Rail website to route out a trip from Chichster to Windsor, I can't wait! Needless to say Michon had too watched this show, I am still in shock about this. Amazing!

A Perfect Day

Jenny once said that she loves how after you go to a concert you have a renewed love for the band you went to see. Amen to that. I am officially declaring today Guster Day.

Three favorite facts from their bios:
Adam: was featured in a math book...that is amazing
Ryan: from Texas
Brian: used to be in a band called Toejamb...wow